So it’s been a long time since my last post……why? Because I have been seeing someone. Who? 9 Second Man!
We were really good friends for months. He knew I had applied for a new job several hours away and I was really shocked to get it (turns out I was the only one interviewed!) But we decided (after the sexual tension had mounted) that maybe we’d just have some fun before I moved. Only it wasn’t all fun. I had a really bad run of health problems culminating in really hurting my back. He was amazing. He would come round every couple of days and do my washing up, bring me shopping and watch TV with me. I think he liked looking after me and being miles away from any family, I really needed it. I was miserable. I’m not sure what I’d have done without him.
So now I have moved. We are seeing each other every 3-4 weeks. It’s lovely. We talk on the phone every day and text all the time. We have great fun together. But……there’s always a but…..is it enough? The idea of losing him really upsets me. However three months after moving I realise I need more excitement. He still isn’t really naughty enough for me. We have always said it’s only going to be temporary and I feel like things are winding down. He’s said things won’t change that much, we will still see each other and chat as often. I hope he’s right!
It’s really made me wonder what love actually is and what makes a good relationship. He is such a lovely guy, I’m disappointed it couldn’t have developed more. But I think I’ve had a better time with him than I have with some guys I’ve really fancied. Plus I’ve spoken to friends who have had such a spark in the early days, but fell out of love after years of marriage….is that inevitable?
So I had a second date with ‘9 Second Man’at the weekend.
We went to this cool board game bar (my choice), where you can play any of the multitude of board games they have on the shelves in there. We had fun playing board games for a couple of hours, so much so that I forgot we were on a date. When we were leaving and deciding to go for a coffee afterwards, I was suddenly thinking…ahhh I haven’t even thought about what I want to happen with this guy. I kept thinking…………he’s attractive….he’s nice…..but I don’t know if that’s enough?
There seems to be no special formula for dating. I thought originally you had to feel a ‘spark’ on the first date, but I’ve since found that not to be the case, sometimes it grows. So what wasn’t working here? Is he too nice? Do I need a bit of naughtiness (yes!), do I need someone who is going to take the lead at times (surprisingly maybe!).
So we went for a coffee and as we were both starving we also then had dinner. I realised somewhere along the line, during our two dates I’d friend-zoned him….but why? I think because he was nervous….(I like guys who are confident)…because he didn’t really flirt and he didn’t always rise to my flirty comments over Whatsapp……and because there wasn’t enough banter for me.
I’m lucky in that I don’t tend to get friend-zoned much myself. I think it’s because I talk about sex too much and I am a flirt. I’m no oil painting, but I am quite confident.
So he was disappointed when I told him…..but so was I. On the plus side, I think I’ve made another friend….and we need friends more than we need boyfriends right?! 🙂
So I went on a date with a new guy the other night. We had been chatting for a while. We seem to have a lot in common. He loves cats and he works in a caring job role, with children.
We met up at an ice cream parlour (my idea). It was nice. We chatted lots…had a coffee and then went to a nearby bar for a few drinks. There wasn’t a lot of flirting though. Should I expect flirting on a first date? He is very nice and he’s attractive….I’m not sure if he isn’t a bit too nice though? Makes me think….what am I looking for? I wonder if it’s because he didn’t really flirt with me. There wasn’t really any banter and there were no innuendos. I think he was nervous….I don’t usually go for guys who get nervous.
Anyway, I’m going to go on another date and see how I feel after. One date is often not enough, but two is often when you know if it’s a no no.
Okay….I might have to wait until the ‘plenty of fish’ stocks replenish! I am just swiping left over and over 😦
So I have a few things related to ‘memories’ to mention.
My memory is pretty crap. I have dated 5 guys since May (we’re talking 2 or more dates) and there have been a couple of one-off-not-likely-to-see-again dates, plus the various other guys I have messaged, who for whatever reason I haven’t arranged dates with. Now that is a lot of conversations and dates to remember. I realised a couple of times I’m not doing very well at it. Yesterday I was at the marina with a friend and she said….do you remember last time we met here?….well I had the vaguest recollection. Possibly because I have had 2 dates with guys down there too!
Also, when I was on a date with a guy I’d seen a few times, I assumed he didn’t eat seafood or fish….but that was a different chap… oooops!
On the plus side I haven’t called anyone the wrong name yet (hope I haven’t jinxed it now) and on one date, the guy I was with accidentally called his ex ‘the Mrs’. To be fair I thought it was funny (probably wouldn’t have been if it was in the bedroom)!
Now I also have the opposite problem. I have all these memories caught up in my head of lovely dates with different guys. So going to places in town or hearing songs on the radio….sometimes they just fall into my mind. I have clothes and trainers I have bought when I was out with one guy or another and lots of funny little anecdotes, but I feel a bit sad when I remember them.
My poor brain doesn’t know whether it is coming or going!
How does everyone else manage the memories?
Not sure if this will be a temporary or permanent post.
I was going to put a comment on the Community Pool, but it’s not open this week, so I thought I’ll just create this post and maybe link it later.
I have been looking at different blog posts on dating. I’m trying to decide whether better or shorter posts are better. Some of my earlier posts I am now feeling are a bit….short? But are the longer ones waffly!?
I prefer this recent one:
to this earlier one:
But I’m wondering whether everyone agrees?
Any feedback gratefully received!
So I recently started chatting to a new guy….let’s call him…. ‘Trains-Only Guy’.
So his lives 45 minutes away. That’s fine, I find if you are willing to drive a bit you get a much bigger pool of guys. However, this guy revealed, after a lovely phone call and quite a few messages back and forth…..that he doesn’t have a car. He lives in the centre of a small town so says he doesn’t need one. I looked it up and the nearest train station from me is a 12 min bike ride away (according to Goole Maps, so probably less in reality). Now he seemed pretty keen, was happy to talk on the phone and talked about sex….a LOT. But he was dragging his heels about agreeing a date and time.
Off the cuff, when I was near his area for work I sent him a text and we met for coffee. It wasn’t the most exciting date, we sort of ran out of things to say and truth be told I didn’t really fancy him.
What surprised me though, was that when I got home we messaged a bit and he said he didn’t feel we were ‘in sinc’ before we met up. He said he felt it was too much to expect him to cycle for 12 minutes and insinuated I should just pick him up from the station. I might have done that, but to expect it when he had chosen to give up his car….I didn’t like that.
I drive lots for work….when it’s my own time and I’m going out with someone I don’t want to have to drive them everywhere too. It would be nice to share that. Am I being unreasonable??
So maybe not having a car is a dealbreaker for me!!