Okay….I might have to wait until the ‘plenty of fish’ stocks replenish! I am just swiping left over and over 😦
So I have a few things related to ‘memories’ to mention.
My memory is pretty crap. I have dated 5 guys since May (we’re talking 2 or more dates) and there have been a couple of one-off-not-likely-to-see-again dates, plus the various other guys I have messaged, who for whatever reason I haven’t arranged dates with. Now that is a lot of conversations and dates to remember. I realised a couple of times I’m not doing very well at it. Yesterday I was at the marina with a friend and she said….do you remember last time we met here?….well I had the vaguest recollection. Possibly because I have had 2 dates with guys down there too!
Also, when I was on a date with a guy I’d seen a few times, I assumed he didn’t eat seafood or fish….but that was a different chap… oooops!
On the plus side I haven’t called anyone the wrong name yet (hope I haven’t jinxed it now) and on one date, the guy I was with accidentally called his ex ‘the Mrs’. To be fair I thought it was funny (probably wouldn’t have been if it was in the bedroom)!
Now I also have the opposite problem. I have all these memories caught up in my head of lovely dates with different guys. So going to places in town or hearing songs on the radio….sometimes they just fall into my mind. I have clothes and trainers I have bought when I was out with one guy or another and lots of funny little anecdotes, but I feel a bit sad when I remember them.
My poor brain doesn’t know whether it is coming or going!
How does everyone else manage the memories?
Not sure if this will be a temporary or permanent post.
I was going to put a comment on the Community Pool, but it’s not open this week, so I thought I’ll just create this post and maybe link it later.
I have been looking at different blog posts on dating. I’m trying to decide whether better or shorter posts are better. Some of my earlier posts I am now feeling are a bit….short? But are the longer ones waffly!?
I prefer this recent one:
to this earlier one:
But I’m wondering whether everyone agrees?
Any feedback gratefully received!
So I recently started chatting to a new guy….let’s call him…. ‘Trains-Only Guy’.
So his lives 45 minutes away. That’s fine, I find if you are willing to drive a bit you get a much bigger pool of guys. However, this guy revealed, after a lovely phone call and quite a few messages back and forth…..that he doesn’t have a car. He lives in the centre of a small town so says he doesn’t need one. I looked it up and the nearest train station from me is a 12 min bike ride away (according to Goole Maps, so probably less in reality). Now he seemed pretty keen, was happy to talk on the phone and talked about sex….a LOT. But he was dragging his heels about agreeing a date and time.
Off the cuff, when I was near his area for work I sent him a text and we met for coffee. It wasn’t the most exciting date, we sort of ran out of things to say and truth be told I didn’t really fancy him.
What surprised me though, was that when I got home we messaged a bit and he said he didn’t feel we were ‘in sinc’ before we met up. He said he felt it was too much to expect him to cycle for 12 minutes and insinuated I should just pick him up from the station. I might have done that, but to expect it when he had chosen to give up his car….I didn’t like that.
I drive lots for work….when it’s my own time and I’m going out with someone I don’t want to have to drive them everywhere too. It would be nice to share that. Am I being unreasonable??
So maybe not having a car is a dealbreaker for me!!
It feels like a punch to the gut!
So I saw ‘Single Dad’ on Pof today. I was angry so I messaged him (fairly calmly) about it. He had either a very good explanation or a very elaborate lie. What difference does it make at the end of the day whether he was lying or telling the truth?
Why is it after rejection every song you hear has poignant lines about ‘not giving up on love’ and ‘I could treat you better’ etc….?
So I always find it hard to write much about a guy and our dates while I’m seeing them……but it never seems to last very long anyway!
I have experienced some definite patterns in dating….but what is the cause? So….three guys have been super keen…we’ve had 3-4 really wonderful dates…then they’ve suddenly panicked and decided they aren’t ready for a relationship. ‘Single Dad’ went the very same way tonight. He’d previously been talking about the future and going on a weekend away together…then an ex decides to have a heart to heart with him and apologise for ill treating him and suddenly he goes to pieces and decides that’s it he can’t have another relationship. Only he didn’t tell me that straight out…he was stringing me along telling me he needed time to think….well I gave him a few days, but I kinda feel if a guy is happy to risk losing me, he doesn’t want me enough….so I asked him about the date we’d originally planned for Monday and he was finally fully honest. He still hasn’t given a definite answer, but I am assuming it’s over.
Has anyone else fallen foul of this problem? Is it the type of guys I go for or is it because online dating is too intense? They have always come across more keen than me initially so it doesn’t feel like I’ve done something wrong….but maybe I have!? Not sure if I’m ready to go back online just yet…..or ever!
Feeling a bit…..fragile
One of the most difficult things I am finding about dating is controlling my anxiety. Particularly as a lot of modern dating takes place in messages rather than face to face.
I feel anxious if the tone of his messages seems to change or if I feel I’ve said something too needy or too ‘unattractive’. It can make my palms sweat and my stomach churn!
I know it’s irrational and sometimes ridiculous…But that’s how anxiety works isn’t it!?
Does anyone else have this problem?