Not sure if this will be a temporary or permanent post.
I was going to put a comment on the Community Pool, but it’s not open this week, so I thought I’ll just create this post and maybe link it later.
I have been looking at different blog posts on dating. I’m trying to decide whether better or shorter posts are better. Some of my earlier posts I am now feeling are a bit….short? But are the longer ones waffly!?
I prefer this recent one:
to this earlier one:
But I’m wondering whether everyone agrees?
Any feedback gratefully received!
So I recently started chatting to a new guy….let’s call him…. ‘Trains-Only Guy’.
So his lives 45 minutes away. That’s fine, I find if you are willing to drive a bit you get a much bigger pool of guys. However, this guy revealed, after a lovely phone call and quite a few messages back and forth…..that he doesn’t have a car. He lives in the centre of a small town so says he doesn’t need one. I looked it up and the nearest train station from me is a 12 min bike ride away (according to Goole Maps, so probably less in reality). Now he seemed pretty keen, was happy to talk on the phone and talked about sex….a LOT. But he was dragging his heels about agreeing a date and time.
Off the cuff, when I was near his area for work I sent him a text and we met for coffee. It wasn’t the most exciting date, we sort of ran out of things to say and truth be told I didn’t really fancy him.
What surprised me though, was that when I got home we messaged a bit and he said he didn’t feel we were ‘in sinc’ before we met up. He said he felt it was too much to expect him to cycle for 12 minutes and insinuated I should just pick him up from the station. I might have done that, but to expect it when he had chosen to give up his car….I didn’t like that.
I drive lots for work….when it’s my own time and I’m going out with someone I don’t want to have to drive them everywhere too. It would be nice to share that. Am I being unreasonable??
So maybe not having a car is a dealbreaker for me!!
It feels like a punch to the gut!
So I saw ‘Single Dad’ on Pof today. I was angry so I messaged him (fairly calmly) about it. He had either a very good explanation or a very elaborate lie. What difference does it make at the end of the day whether he was lying or telling the truth?
Why is it after rejection every song you hear has poignant lines about ‘not giving up on love’ and ‘I could treat you better’ etc….?
So I always find it hard to write much about a guy and our dates while I’m seeing them……but it never seems to last very long anyway!
I have experienced some definite patterns in dating….but what is the cause? So….three guys have been super keen…we’ve had 3-4 really wonderful dates…then they’ve suddenly panicked and decided they aren’t ready for a relationship. ‘Single Dad’ went the very same way tonight. He’d previously been talking about the future and going on a weekend away together…then an ex decides to have a heart to heart with him and apologise for ill treating him and suddenly he goes to pieces and decides that’s it he can’t have another relationship. Only he didn’t tell me that straight out…he was stringing me along telling me he needed time to think….well I gave him a few days, but I kinda feel if a guy is happy to risk losing me, he doesn’t want me enough….so I asked him about the date we’d originally planned for Monday and he was finally fully honest. He still hasn’t given a definite answer, but I am assuming it’s over.
Has anyone else fallen foul of this problem? Is it the type of guys I go for or is it because online dating is too intense? They have always come across more keen than me initially so it doesn’t feel like I’ve done something wrong….but maybe I have!? Not sure if I’m ready to go back online just yet…..or ever!
Feeling a bit…..fragile
Daily Prompt: Fragile
One of the most difficult things I am finding about dating is controlling my anxiety. Particularly as a lot of modern dating takes place in messages rather than face to face.
I feel anxious if the tone of his messages seems to change or if I feel I’ve said something too needy or too ‘unattractive’. It can make my palms sweat and my stomach churn!
I know it’s irrational and sometimes ridiculous…But that’s how anxiety works isn’t it!?
Does anyone else have this problem?
How important is sexual compatibility? It’s something we never really discuss isn’t it!
Now I have certain tastes that are not uncommon, but not shared by everyone…..but I’ve found a surprising number of men like to do what I also like. I was surprised to find one to be honest (don’t worry it’s not that kinky!). I have wondered whether something on my dating profile or in my photos somehow subconsciously gives it away. I mean literally the last 5 or more guys I’ve been with have had the same preferences as me….that’s got to be more than a coincidence!
But how important is it? We all like to think sex is not the be all and end all…I agree…..but it would suck if you had very different tastes….would it ultimately be untenable?
Rule 1…..Should you stay in contact and meet up with former lovers?
This is something I’d never really thought about before. But with the current guy I am seeing (3 dates and a million whatsapp messages down) it’s cropped up. I don’t suppose I’ve ever really been with a guy who’s had lots of interaction with an ex. For me, I tend to be if we aren’t together I don’t want to stay friends…however, I am meeting up up with ‘Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ tomorrow night as friends and although ‘Single Dad’ is fine about it, he doesn’t want to know anything. I wouldn’t even really count Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ as an ex, but it’s still pretty fresh, so I can see why ‘Single Dad’ is uncomfortable. Having said that he is in touch with many of the people he has been with/slept with. I said if it upset him I wouldn’t want to stay friends with the other guy, but he feels that would mean he was dictating who I can see and who I can’t.
What is right in this situation? Should you be able to see exes or not? What should the rule be?
Rule 2. Who can you discuss your sex life with?
He remarked that he has 2 close female friends who he is likely to discuss our sex life with (platonic he assures me). It bothers me a bit because they are girls. But I can’t say why that is. I hope he doesn’t go into too much detail! Still at least he mentioned it….although maybe it would be better if he just did it and didn’t tell me in advance!