Dating Dilemmas 14…….Memories

So I have a few things related to ‘memories’ to mention.

 

My memory is pretty crap. I have dated 5 guys since May (we’re talking 2 or more dates) and there have been a couple of one-off-not-likely-to-see-again dates, plus the various other guys I have messaged, who for whatever reason I haven’t arranged dates with. Now that is a lot of conversations and dates to remember. I realised a couple of times I’m not doing very well at it. Yesterday I was at the marina with a friend and she said….do you remember last time we met here?….well I had the vaguest recollection. Possibly because I have had 2 dates with guys down there too!

 

Also, when I was on a date with a guy I’d seen a few times, I assumed he didn’t eat seafood or fish….but that was a different chap… oooops!

 

On the plus side I haven’t called anyone the wrong name yet (hope I haven’t jinxed it now) and on one date, the guy I was with accidentally called his ex ‘the Mrs’. To be fair I thought it was funny (probably wouldn’t have been if it was in the bedroom)!

 

Now I also have the opposite problem. I have all these memories caught up in my head of lovely dates with different guys. So going to places in town or hearing songs on the radio….sometimes they just fall into my mind. I have clothes and trainers I have bought when I was out with one guy or another and lots of funny little anecdotes, but I feel a bit sad when I remember them.

 

My poor brain doesn’t know whether it is coming or going!

 

How does everyone else manage the memories?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Dilemmas 12…..Dating with Anxiety

One of the most difficult things I am finding about dating is controlling my anxiety. Particularly as a lot of modern dating takes place in messages rather than face to face.

I feel anxious if the tone of his messages seems to change or if I feel I’ve said something too needy or too ‘unattractive’. It can make my palms sweat and my stomach churn!

I know it’s irrational and sometimes ridiculous…But that’s how anxiety works isn’t it!?

Does anyone else have this problem?

 

Dating Dilemmas 11…….Sexual Compatibility

How important is sexual compatibility? It’s something we never really discuss isn’t it!

Now I have certain tastes that are not uncommon, but not shared by everyone…..but I’ve found a surprising number of men like to do what I also like. I was surprised to find one to be honest (don’t worry it’s not that kinky!). I have wondered whether something on my dating profile or in my photos somehow subconsciously gives it away. I mean literally the last 5 or more guys I’ve been with have had the same preferences as me….that’s got to be more than a coincidence!

But how important is it? We all like to think sex is not the be all and end all…I agree…..but it would suck if you had very different tastes….would it ultimately be untenable?

 

Dating Dilemmas 10……Negotiating the Relationship Rules

Rule 1…..Should you stay in contact and meet up with former lovers?

This is something I’d never really thought about before. But with the current guy I am seeing (3 dates and a million whatsapp messages down) it’s cropped up. I don’t suppose I’ve ever really been with a guy who’s had lots of interaction with an ex. For me, I tend to be if we aren’t together I don’t want to stay friends…however, I am meeting up up with ‘Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ tomorrow night as friends and although ‘Single Dad’ is fine about it, he doesn’t want to know anything. I wouldn’t even really count Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ as an ex, but it’s still pretty fresh, so I can see why ‘Single Dad’ is uncomfortable. Having said that he is in touch with many of the people he has been with/slept with. I said if it upset him I wouldn’t want to stay friends with the other guy, but he feels that would mean he was dictating who I can see and who I can’t.

What is right in this situation? Should you be able to see exes or not? What should the rule be?

Rule 2. Who can you discuss your sex life with?

He remarked that he has 2 close female friends who he is likely to discuss our sex life with (platonic he assures me). It bothers me a bit because they are girls. But I can’t say why that is. I hope he doesn’t go into too much detail! Still at least he mentioned it….although maybe it would be better if he just did it and didn’t tell me in advance!

Dating Dilemmas 9……Men Who Have Cheated

Daily Post Prompt: Cheat

Should you ever trust a guy who has cheated in the past?

I’ve arranged a date with a guy who admitted he cheated in the past 6-7 years ago. He felt guilty straight away and ended it…but he never actually told her (I think she worked it out). Should you judge people on their past? Is it true what they say….once a cheat always a cheat?

I’ve decided to go on the date tomorrow anyway and see what he’s like. I’m lucky in that I don’t believe I’ve ever been cheated on. Hopefully this isn’t a mistake.

Dating Dilemmas 8……Guys with kids

It’s quite an important thing to consider….whether or not to go out with a guy with a child from a previous relationships. I’ve found the following things (so far) which might crop up:

  1. They have less time to arrange dates
  2. they are tied to one area to live because the have to be close to the Mum’s house/kids’ school
  3. Some of the guys I’ve spoken with had unprotected sex and were surprised the girl got pregnant!! (does that say something about their personality or just that they were young and stupid??)
  4. You are going to have your own opinions of how to bring up kids, whether you have your own or not
  5. What if you might want your own children…..does he?….will it be even more complicated?
  6. Some guys will ALWAYS put their children first in all things. Which is fine, but as a child I didn’t get everything I wanted and I didn’t get my parents’ attention all the time.

On the plus side it does make men learn how to tie ponytails and what to buy their children for birthdays and Christmas!

I’ll let you know if I have any more experiences with single Dads (there seems to be a lot out there).

*update- I did date another single dad, but we only had four dates, so I don’t know if I know any more that I can add here*

Dating Dilemmas 7…….Bad Breath

Should you write a guy off if he sometimes has bad breath? I’m not talking terrible, but just….none too fresh? I was once seeing this really hot guy who sometimes could do with some gum. I kept giving us both gum, saying I had a funny taste in my mouth…..but you can’t keep it up forever. Should you say something about it or end it?