When is a Friend Not a Friend?

So it’s been a long time since my last post……why? Because I have been seeing someone. Who? 9 Second Man!

 

We were really good friends for months. He knew I had applied for a new job several hours away and I was really shocked to get it (turns out I was the only one interviewed!) But we decided (after the sexual tension had mounted) that maybe we’d just have some fun before I moved. Only it wasn’t all fun. I had a really bad run of health problems culminating in really hurting my back. He was amazing. He would come round every couple of days and do my washing up, bring me shopping and watch TV with me. I think he liked looking after me and being miles away from any family, I really needed it. I was miserable. I’m not sure what I’d have done without him.

 

So now I have moved. We are seeing each other every 3-4 weeks. It’s lovely. We talk on the phone every day and text all the time. We have great fun together. But……there’s always a but…..is it enough? The idea of losing him really upsets me. However three months after moving I realise I need more excitement. He still isn’t really naughty enough for me. We have always said it’s only going to be temporary and I feel like things are winding down. He’s said things won’t change that much, we will still see each other and chat as often. I hope he’s right!

 

It’s really made me wonder what love actually is and what makes a good relationship. He is such a lovely guy, I’m disappointed it couldn’t have developed more. But I think I’ve had a better time with him than I have with some guys I’ve really fancied. Plus I’ve spoken to friends who have had such a spark in the early days, but fell out of love after years of marriage….is that inevitable?

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Dating Dilemmas 6……How Young is Too Young?

Okay, so a local trainee doctor sent me a message on Okcupid. He’s ten years younger than me (mid 20s, where I’m mid 30s). He asked if I think he’s too young? Is he? I don’t know! I still get IDed regularly and I probably look late 20s. He has a beard in his photos and doesn’t look any younger than the other guys I’ve gone on dates with. I guess it depends on whether we have enough in common, what we both want and whether we are both on the same level (whatever that means!).

I’ll investigate and let you know!

*UPDATE*

Turns out he was too young. We chatted a bit and he came across as quite immature. Then I just stopped hearing from him. Well that answered that then……. I’ve changed my search criteria to 27+.

Dating Dilemmas 2….To Message or not to Message

So one of the odd things about online dating is how intense it can be. If you’ve been chatting to a guy on Tinder or POF and you take it to WhatsApp, how often should you message each other? And what are safe topics of discussion?

In the modern day we are contactable 24/7. Even at work we might find time to have a quick nosey at our phone when making a cuppa or popping out for lunch. That can mean that someone you have been chatting to for a couple of weeks can feel like someone you have known for months. Plus if you are an open person like me and like to have the odd evening glass of wine you can end up telling them your life story in the name of ‘conversation’. So is that good or bad? It can certainly mean you feel more comfortable when you finally meet, but if someone isn’t as good as you at messaging back, or suddenly stops messaging you as much, it can be very confusing and a bit stressful. I think I need to try and limit the number and/or times of day I message. I also find it difficult, if chatting to a few different guys at the same time, or in quick succession, I forget who said what…which can be very….awkward!

Also the other thing is….sex. When should you discuss it? On the one hand you need to know if you are sexually compatible and if you are into the same kind of things. On the other hand it’s a slippery slope to sexting! They it places a lot of pressure on the first meeting and it’s more upsetting if you don’t fancy each other! Still….it is definitely fun!!

My experiences so far

I’ve been online dating on and off for years. I’ve decided to start this blog because I thought….I can’t believe some of the things that have happened and I think it would be interesting to share some of my odd experiences with other people. Feel free to share some of your experiences and weird stories too!

I’ve recently had some….almost success…I saw two guys for 3-4 dates. The first guy was lovely. We got on really well, he was studying to be a counsellor and loved cats (I love cats too)….but he confided he’s got issues with alcoholism and a mental health problem and isn’t in the right place for a relationship. The second guy I fancied, he’s a part time magician and we had 4 lovely dates including the last one, going to a lovely local historic town. We got on really well and seemed to gel….until he decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was gutted. But I decided to get back on the horse and go back on Tinder and Plenty of Fish. There must be some attractive, intelligent guys who aren’t commitment phobes??

So it’s June 2016. Very recently I have been chatting to a guy from Tinder for a few days. I saw his pictures and from chatting on WhatsApp I got him to send me a few more and I was….underwhelmed. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I’m in my mid thirties and ‘curvy’. I wear glasses, which I think guys seem to either really like or really don’t like. But still, fancying a guy physically seems important and I was unsure about this new guy. I decided to chat to him on the phone as that’s a good way of weeding out the guys that are totally not my type. First thing I noticed…a smokers cough…and he sounded a bit rough…maybe his accent? But he wants to do an OU degree, then do a masters in criminology, so I thought…maybe I’ll preserve and try not to be too judgemental. His questions to me were…what car do I drive and what is my favourite drink….not exactly deep stuff. He then said he’s dominant in the bedroom (oh dear!) so I decided that’s it, the smoking, the photos and sex stuff…so I ended the call and sent him a WhatsApp message saying thanks but no thanks….the next thing…I get a dick pic! Well at least my instincts were right. I want a guy who is a bit naughty, but why do some guys think all girls want dick picks????….So it’s back to the drawing board.