Friend Zoned

So I had a second date with ‘9 Second Man’at the weekend.

We went to this cool board game bar (my choice), where you can play any of the multitude of board games they have on the shelves in there. We had fun playing board games for a couple of hours, so much so that I forgot we were on a date. When we were leaving and deciding to go for a coffee afterwards, I was suddenly thinking…ahhh I haven’t even thought about what I want to happen with this guy. I kept thinking…………he’s attractive….he’s nice…..but I don’t know if that’s enough?

There seems to be no special formula for dating. I thought originally you had to feel a ‘spark’ on the first date, but I’ve since found that not to be the case, sometimes it grows. So what wasn’t working here? Is he too nice? Do I need a bit of naughtiness (yes!), do I need someone who is going to take the lead at times (surprisingly maybe!).

So we went for a coffee and as we were both starving we also then had dinner. I realised somewhere along the line, during our two dates I’d friend-zoned him….but why? I think because he was nervous….(I like guys who are confident)…because he didn’t really flirt and he didn’t always rise to my flirty comments over Whatsapp……and because there wasn’t enough banter for me.

I’m lucky in that I don’t tend to get friend-zoned much myself. I think it’s because I talk about sex too much and I am a flirt. I’m no oil painting, but I am quite confident.

So he was disappointed when I told him…..but so was I. On the plus side, I think I’ve made another friend….and we need friends more than we need boyfriends right?! 🙂

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Date With ‘9 Second Man’

So I went on a date with a new guy the other night. We had been chatting for a while. We seem to have a lot in common. He loves cats and he works in a caring job role, with children.

We met up at an ice cream parlour (my idea). It was nice. We chatted lots…had a coffee and then went to a nearby bar for a few drinks. There wasn’t a lot of flirting though. Should I expect flirting on a first date? He is very nice and he’s attractive….I’m not sure if he isn’t a bit too nice though? Makes me think….what am I looking for? I wonder if it’s because he didn’t really flirt with me. There wasn’t really any banter and there were no innuendos. I think he was nervous….I don’t usually go for guys who get nervous.

Anyway, I’m going to go on another date and see how I feel after. One date is often not enough, but two is often when you know if it’s a no no.

 

 

Dating Dilemmas 14…….Memories

So I have a few things related to ‘memories’ to mention.

 

My memory is pretty crap. I have dated 5 guys since May (we’re talking 2 or more dates) and there have been a couple of one-off-not-likely-to-see-again dates, plus the various other guys I have messaged, who for whatever reason I haven’t arranged dates with. Now that is a lot of conversations and dates to remember. I realised a couple of times I’m not doing very well at it. Yesterday I was at the marina with a friend and she said….do you remember last time we met here?….well I had the vaguest recollection. Possibly because I have had 2 dates with guys down there too!

 

Also, when I was on a date with a guy I’d seen a few times, I assumed he didn’t eat seafood or fish….but that was a different chap… oooops!

 

On the plus side I haven’t called anyone the wrong name yet (hope I haven’t jinxed it now) and on one date, the guy I was with accidentally called his ex ‘the Mrs’. To be fair I thought it was funny (probably wouldn’t have been if it was in the bedroom)!

 

Now I also have the opposite problem. I have all these memories caught up in my head of lovely dates with different guys. So going to places in town or hearing songs on the radio….sometimes they just fall into my mind. I have clothes and trainers I have bought when I was out with one guy or another and lots of funny little anecdotes, but I feel a bit sad when I remember them.

 

My poor brain doesn’t know whether it is coming or going!

 

How does everyone else manage the memories?

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Blog Content

Not sure if this will be a temporary or permanent post.

I was going to put a comment on the Community Pool, but it’s not open this week, so I thought I’ll just create this post and maybe link it later.

I have been looking at different blog posts on dating. I’m trying to decide whether better or shorter posts are better. Some of my earlier posts I am now feeling are a bit….short? But are the longer ones waffly!?

I prefer this recent one:

https://talesofdatingonline.wordpress.com/2016/09/22/dating-dilemmas-13-the-non-driver/

to this earlier one:

https://wordpress.com/post/talesofdatingonline.wordpress.com/92

 

But I’m wondering whether everyone agrees?

Any feedback gratefully received!

Dating Dilemmas 13….The Non-Driver

So I recently started chatting to a new guy….let’s call him…. ‘Trains-Only Guy’.

So his lives 45 minutes away. That’s fine, I find if you are willing to drive a bit you get a much bigger pool of guys. However, this guy revealed, after a lovely phone call and quite a few messages back and forth…..that he doesn’t have a car. He lives in the centre of a small town so says he doesn’t need one. I looked it up and the nearest train station from me is a 12 min bike ride away (according to Goole Maps, so probably less in reality). Now he seemed pretty keen, was happy to talk on the phone and talked about sex….a LOT. But he was dragging his heels about agreeing a date and time.

Off the cuff, when I was near his area for work I sent him a text and we met for coffee. It wasn’t the most exciting date, we sort of ran out of things to say and truth be told I didn’t really fancy him.

What surprised me though, was that when I got home we messaged a bit and he said he didn’t feel we were ‘in sinc’ before we met up. He said he felt it was too much to expect him to cycle for 12 minutes and insinuated I should just pick him up from the station. I might have done that, but to expect it when he had chosen to give up his car….I didn’t like that.

I drive lots for work….when it’s my own time and I’m going out with someone I don’t want to have to drive them everywhere too. It would be nice to share that. Am I being unreasonable??

So maybe not having a car is a dealbreaker for me!!

 

 

That Horrible Feeling You Get When the Guy Who has Just Told You He Likes You, but isn’t Ready for a Relationship is Back on Pof

It feels like a punch to the gut!

So I saw ‘Single Dad’ on Pof today. I was angry so I messaged him (fairly calmly) about it. He had either a very good explanation or a very elaborate lie. What difference does it make at the end of the day whether he was lying or telling the truth?

Why is it after rejection every song you hear has poignant lines about ‘not giving up on love’ and ‘I could treat you better’ etc….?