So it’s been a long time since my last post……why? Because I have been seeing someone. Who? 9 Second Man!
We were really good friends for months. He knew I had applied for a new job several hours away and I was really shocked to get it (turns out I was the only one interviewed!) But we decided (after the sexual tension had mounted) that maybe we’d just have some fun before I moved. Only it wasn’t all fun. I had a really bad run of health problems culminating in really hurting my back. He was amazing. He would come round every couple of days and do my washing up, bring me shopping and watch TV with me. I think he liked looking after me and being miles away from any family, I really needed it. I was miserable. I’m not sure what I’d have done without him.
So now I have moved. We are seeing each other every 3-4 weeks. It’s lovely. We talk on the phone every day and text all the time. We have great fun together. But……there’s always a but…..is it enough? The idea of losing him really upsets me. However three months after moving I realise I need more excitement. He still isn’t really naughty enough for me. We have always said it’s only going to be temporary and I feel like things are winding down. He’s said things won’t change that much, we will still see each other and chat as often. I hope he’s right!
It’s really made me wonder what love actually is and what makes a good relationship. He is such a lovely guy, I’m disappointed it couldn’t have developed more. But I think I’ve had a better time with him than I have with some guys I’ve really fancied. Plus I’ve spoken to friends who have had such a spark in the early days, but fell out of love after years of marriage….is that inevitable?
So I always find it hard to write much about a guy and our dates while I’m seeing them……but it never seems to last very long anyway!
I have experienced some definite patterns in dating….but what is the cause? So….three guys have been super keen…we’ve had 3-4 really wonderful dates…then they’ve suddenly panicked and decided they aren’t ready for a relationship. ‘Single Dad’ went the very same way tonight. He’d previously been talking about the future and going on a weekend away together…then an ex decides to have a heart to heart with him and apologise for ill treating him and suddenly he goes to pieces and decides that’s it he can’t have another relationship. Only he didn’t tell me that straight out…he was stringing me along telling me he needed time to think….well I gave him a few days, but I kinda feel if a guy is happy to risk losing me, he doesn’t want me enough….so I asked him about the date we’d originally planned for Monday and he was finally fully honest. He still hasn’t given a definite answer, but I am assuming it’s over.
Has anyone else fallen foul of this problem? Is it the type of guys I go for or is it because online dating is too intense? They have always come across more keen than me initially so it doesn’t feel like I’ve done something wrong….but maybe I have!? Not sure if I’m ready to go back online just yet…..or ever!
Feeling a bit…..fragile
Daily Prompt: Fragile
One of the most difficult things I am finding about dating is controlling my anxiety. Particularly as a lot of modern dating takes place in messages rather than face to face.
I feel anxious if the tone of his messages seems to change or if I feel I’ve said something too needy or too ‘unattractive’. It can make my palms sweat and my stomach churn!
I know it’s irrational and sometimes ridiculous…But that’s how anxiety works isn’t it!?
Does anyone else have this problem?
Rule 1…..Should you stay in contact and meet up with former lovers?
This is something I’d never really thought about before. But with the current guy I am seeing (3 dates and a million whatsapp messages down) it’s cropped up. I don’t suppose I’ve ever really been with a guy who’s had lots of interaction with an ex. For me, I tend to be if we aren’t together I don’t want to stay friends…however, I am meeting up up with ‘Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ tomorrow night as friends and although ‘Single Dad’ is fine about it, he doesn’t want to know anything. I wouldn’t even really count Soon-to-be-Divorced Guy’ as an ex, but it’s still pretty fresh, so I can see why ‘Single Dad’ is uncomfortable. Having said that he is in touch with many of the people he has been with/slept with. I said if it upset him I wouldn’t want to stay friends with the other guy, but he feels that would mean he was dictating who I can see and who I can’t.
What is right in this situation? Should you be able to see exes or not? What should the rule be?
Rule 2. Who can you discuss your sex life with?
He remarked that he has 2 close female friends who he is likely to discuss our sex life with (platonic he assures me). It bothers me a bit because they are girls. But I can’t say why that is. I hope he doesn’t go into too much detail! Still at least he mentioned it….although maybe it would be better if he just did it and didn’t tell me in advance!